Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i wish my penis had a tongue
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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