So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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