You work out of a Hotel?
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
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The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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