I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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