i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
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It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
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We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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