Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
