Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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