A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
