before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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