i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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