Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
