I murdered the dance floor call the cops
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
