I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
