the day after is always just damage control
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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