How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
