One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
