apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
