Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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