dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
