I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
