i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
