piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
