My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
