i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
