He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
