i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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