I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
