I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
