Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
