You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
