He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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