youre lurking in front of me
it wasn't lemon gatorade
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
