we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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