After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
