I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
