When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
