It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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