The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Help. Why am I so naked?
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