Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Randomize
