You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
