i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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