it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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