Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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