wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
