So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
