why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
false alarm. still invincible.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
