Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
