remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
