A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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