My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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