The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
my poor anus
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
