i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
