i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
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Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
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You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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