Please, let me fuck your mom
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
