So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
