Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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