His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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