just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
