There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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