did you get engaged???
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
