just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
So gin and wine won't be happening again
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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