the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
