my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
