Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
babies were throwing up all over the place
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
