Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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