so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
