Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
