Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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