I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
