At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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