I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
