In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I want a musical about memes.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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