You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
