i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
