I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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