Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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